Incense
by Cody Thomas
Summary: Leon has hated the smell of incense ever since D left because it's always a dead end. So why does he still find himself looking every time? Adult situations, angst, language, and death.


A/N well, I finally got inspired with something! YAY! I am not quite sure what to say about this other than it is a great way of fulfilling my need for angst. Please review, or at least rate the story so I know what you think! Enjoy!

I'm walking down an unfamiliar street in an unfamiliar town when I catch a scent drifting out of an alleyway I'd just passed and stop dead. Incense. I fucking HATE incense. I haven't been able to stand the stuff ever since that day however many years ago it was. Every time I smell the stuff I find myself frantically searching for him in his Chinese dress with an arrogant little smirk on his milk pale face and that liquid midnight hair covering half a set of perfectly mismatched eyes. But I'm always left wanting. I don't want to know how long it's been. I don't want to remember. There's too many memories of secretive smiles and unanswered questions, of safe havens lost and a bunch of mysteries gained. To always wonder that if I'd been brave enough to kiss him, just once, then maybe he wouldn't have pushed me off that freakin' ship of dreams and flown so far away I can only chase phantom ghosts of fading memories.

I'm not going to look this time, I'm not, it's just another dead end, I'm going to walk away, spare myself the heartbreak of being wrong AGAIN. I am. Or at least I was, that is until I see the beautiful woman in the calico leotard, complete with tail, looking at me suspiciously. It's obvious she wants to duck down that alley but I'm standing in the way. I'm going to pretend that I don't see her true form, I don't want to spook her off. I kneel down and hold out my hand. The second I'm out of the path of that enticing scent I see her only as a pretty little calico tabby with bright green eyes. Bingo.

"Well aren't you a pretty one? Sorry about that, I didn't mean to scare you, I'm no threat, just old memories catching up to me." I watch as she sniffs my hand as if judging my sincerity, and then rubs her head against my fingers. I scratch her lightly behind the ears and stroke her neck until she's purring. "Well at least ONE beautiful girl doesn't hate me in this world. At least, I think you're a girl, I won't be rude enough to look since we just met okay? You look healthy so you must have an owner, ah well, the pretty girls are always taken aren't they? Don't make your owner worry about you alright?" I stand up and the cat takes off down the alley but I smile as I see her turn into a woman again and walk to a door about halfway down before disappearing inside. So that's where he's hiding. I make sure there's no movement and head down the alley myself, the scent of the incense only getting stronger. A tiny shop, as small as the other shops lining the street, they barely have room enough for a counter and ten feet of floor space and a tiny back room, but I know, I know without a doubt that D's shop will be huge, spacious, draped in rich fabrics and soft lighting. There will be seating areas, and bedrooms, and long hallways with huge ornate doors leading to rooms and habitats filled with animals.

The door is unlocked and I step inside, expecting to hear either the gasp of the startled count, or his usual greeting to his customers. I hear neither. What I do hear is some angry shouting in Mandarin and me apologizing frantically to the startled shop owners whose living space I had just walked into and trying to explain I that I was looking for the petshop that was around here. Once I mention Count D they immediately stop shouting and their faces take on a mixed look of relief and suspicion. After a moments more explaining they tell me his petshop is directly across from their shop and I again apologize for the mix up then proceed to ask if there is a bakery nearby. "You're in luck, there's one a few doors down, you must be a good friend of the Count to know what he likes!"

You don't need to be a genius to figure out what the earth bound demi-god likes, the richest, most exotic and decadent sweets (usually also translates into the most expensive) will make him happy no matter what the offense. I hurriedly leave the shop, spend the last of my money buying the best fruit tart the bakery has, and bracing myself, I head into the new petshop as if this were just another day in San Fransisco, exactly like all the other days I spent in his shop, not realizing how badly I needed him until he was gone.

"Welcome to Count D's petshop..."

"Hey D no need for all that, it's just me. I brought you a tart..."

"D...DETECTIVE ORCOT?!"

"No, not anymore, I'm a civilian now. Apparently I had a mental breakdown eighteen years ago and they made me 'take an early retirement' their nice way of saying 'You're fired but you still get your pension.' "

"C...come in Det...Leon, I'll make some tea..."

D's usual glee over sweets is missing, in fact he almost looks defeated as he takes the tart into the kitchen with him to place on the tea tray and begin making the steaming brew to accompany it. He hasn't aged a day in twenty years, but somehow, I can't bring myself to be jealous even though my hair is now streaked with gray and my joints have begun to get stiff when it's cold. To not age...I almost equate it with not being able to feel, to show absolutely no emotion that could resemble physical, human love...the fact he hasn't aged is so...D-ish that I practically expect it. He's too far above us mere mortals to age like us.

D returns to the lush seating area and I had once again claimed the tiny couch for my own. I no sooner sit when that angry little goat thing tries taking a bite out of me just like old times. "Damnit Tetsu, how old do you monstrosities get?!"

"140-180 years. This one is barely 45, he's practically a teenager..."

He pours the tea and serves a slice of tart to me and then himself. Even after twenty years he hasn't forgotten how I take my tea, a little cream, no sugar.

He sits there looking both lost and helpless, not touching the tart and barely sipping his tea.

"I didn't poison it you know, or did you actually lose your sweet tooth over the years?"

"No Leon, nothing like that..."

"So what's wrong?"

"It's just, you seem to be taking this all very well, I half expected you to hit me..."

"I wanted to hit you for a very long time, but not now, wouldn't do any good, wouldn't change anything..."

"Leon...I had to go, I had to, I had gotten too close to you and they knew it. They both would have killed you if I had stayed."

"Too close? You pushed me off that damn ship with that arrogant little smirk of yours saying I hadn't earned the right, you never explained anything, I never got the chance to understand... and maybe earn the right... God D you nearly destroyed me..."

D looked down, he almost looked...ashamed.

"I had meant for it to save you Detective. Your way of thinking cannot understand my world. A mind which only accepts solid, proven, documented Facts with no room for something as chaotic as the Supernatural, can not comprehend a world where Magick and Mystery is Fact and Truth, and Mythology is the Reality. Every time you glimpsed my world you resisted accepting it with all your might. To have kept you in it, surrounded on all sides by things you refused to see, believe or accept, don't you see it would have driven you mad?"

"I went mad anyway. I may not of understood everything, but I at least thought you trusted me...that we were some strange form of friends..."

"My kind is not meant to make friends with humanity Leon, it never has been, although admittedly you are one of the few I have liked over the years, and you are by far one of the two I have gotten even remotely close to. I do trust you Leon. I trust you not to betray me, but I also trust you to remain true to your own nature, unchanging to everything else..."

I pull the old and worn folded paper out of my jacket and take my time carefully unfolding it before handing it to D.

"Not even Chris? Chris wasn't your friend? You didn't love him even a little bit, even though you respected him so much? He adored you! You let him into your world! Can you really tell me he was just like the rest of the 'humanity' you despise?!"

"Chris...No, he was special to me. If I had to call a human a friend it would have probably been you or him. He could have accepted my world, he did for a very long time, but it was because he was an innocent, a child, still untainted by the world. The moment he re-learned how to speak he had no more need of me and my world."

"Bullshit! He was devastated when he found out you had left! You turned your back on him the same as you did to me! I want to know why D, and don't you dare pull some cock and bull excuse about your father or grandfather or any of your other family members wanting to kill us or the Feds getting involved, because I know you're stronger than all that stupid drama crap. You could have it buried in a heartbeat if you wanted. I want the real reason you tossed us to the side like yesterday's garbage and never looked back. After all this time I think I deserve at least that much from you you cold hearted bastard, you owe me at least that much..."

"You're right, and I owe you much more than that Leon, but I'm afraid that I cannot give you any answer which would satisfy you. However, you and Chris were never 'yesterday's garbage' to me, not once did I ever think of you like that. And I have looked back, several times, but the truth remains the same Leon, I had to leave because I had gotten too close..."

The full weight of his words hit me like a ton of bricks.

"You cared for us! You had started to lov-"

"It doesn't matter now!"

"Of course it matters! I've been searching for you for so long..."

"Leon, please..."

"Come back with me, to San Fransisco, Chris would love to see you, we've both missed you."

"No Leon, I cannot return with you. Not now, not ever."

"Why? Why can't you come back? The case against you was dropped."

"Because to do so would be to break my promise outright, even this is bending the rules more than I am comfortable with. The only reason they let you live the first time was because I swore to them I would have nothing more to do with you and your brother. I'm sorry I underestimated you Leon, I truly thought I had outrun you for good."

"You're leaving again aren't you...you're just going to disappear into the fucking night and to hell with the rest of us, right?!

"Yes Leon, I am. They will kill you if I remain. Don't you see I have no choice?!"

"No, don't do this to me again D! Don't you dare pull this fuckin' shit with me again!

"I know it is of little consolation, but as much as I took from you, you took something as equally precious from me that day, and even though it is something I truly need, I believe it would hurt me even more should you return it. I don't want it back, you have kept it safe all these years, I shall continue to leave it in your care."

"Your heart? Your ability to love? Is that what you left behind with me so you can continue being a cold hearted bastard?! Your kind have no need of such tainted human emotions do they?! I don't want your gifts, D! I want you to stay! It's taken me over 20 years to find you again! For 20 years I've been waiting to breathe, for 20 years I've been trying to get home, and now that I finally find you you're just going to leave again?!"

"Leon, please, I'm begging you, just let me go, I'm not worth it. I cannot stay with you, even though I may want to, and you truly cannot be a part of my world no matter how much both of us may wish it. I am a dream Detective, as intangible and fragile as mist, as impossible to catch as the wind. You have chased me to the ends of the earth and back again, KNOWING this, why couldn't you just give up? Why continue chasing something you know you'll never catch?"

"Because I couldn't give up. I have to know, how can I earn the right D? How can I earn the right to board that ship with you? I don't care if you have to turn me into one of your animal people or lock me in a cage and keep me for a pet, just take me with you, don't leave me behind this time!"

"Leon, I didn't want to hurt you and I didn't want to leave you-"

"How do I earn the RIGHT D?!"

The kami sighs and lowers his head defeated.

"You can't Leon, I'm sorry. Nothing mortal could ever become a dream or wish, they just aren't strong enough for it. As much as I may wish you could, you will never be able to earn the right... I'm sorry."

"You couldn't even give me hope could you? For all your pretty words about love and dreams you won't even let me try will you?"

"What good would an empty hope do you, except to treat you even crueler than I've already done? Why make you chase after a dead end, which never ends? Leon, I just can't do it, I cannot keep intentionally hurting you without it destroying me. I'm sorry that I cannot give you your hearts true desire, if it were in my power I would. I would stay with you as long as you wished, take you with me wherever I may go, and sail away with you out of reach of any who may object, but I cannot. In this alone I am a realist Leon, I cannot escape who I am anymore than you can escape who you are, we are both trapped in separate worlds which may see each other and may occasionally touch, but never shall they ever meet, for there is no place for them to do so. I am sorry Leon, truly I am, perhaps one day, you might be able to forgive me..."

He stands and begins to move away from me and in my desperation I grab a hold of him and kiss him deeply, and for the first time, I know that he does have feelings as I feel the wetness of his tears run down his cheeks between us. What could almost be mistaken as a sob leaves his lips as he pushes away.

"Please don't make this harder than it already is. I must go now, before they find out what I have done, I must go. Go back to your brother Leon, you need each other. Try to forget this moment, so they will not hunt you down. I will make sure that this time I will remain a dream... goodbye Leon..."

"No, you can't take this away from me D, not this time. You said I can't go with you on that ship of yours, that I hadn't earned the right... I can accept that, but you disappearing again, that I can't take, it nearly killed me the first time... I'm too broken to survive it twice. I don't know how to say this any other way, but I love you D, I was too stupid to realize it before and then you were gone. But you can't take this moment D. You, me and the tea, that's always been our place. I've spent so long searching for it, now that I've got it back, nobody's going to take it away from me again, not even you."

My gun is in my hand fast as ever, I see the Counts' eyes go wide.

"Wait! LEON DON'T!"

A single shot, impossible to miss as I pull the trigger and fire the bullet into vulnerable flesh. D screams.

I see a splash of blood paint his cheek before my vision goes black and I fall to the ground to bleed whatever is left of me all over his floral silk rug.

A/N: I really wanted some angst, I think this'll do it, I'm debating a second chapter as well. Tell me what you think!


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